Anyone who knows me knows that I am the first one to run after something, obsess over it, grasp at it. I spend more time dreaming of the future than I spend in the present. Get me started, and I will tell you of all the careers I could aim for, all the things I could study, all the places I could live, all the people I could meet. I sometimes feel as if I am trying to punch my way out of my own skin to get somewhere bigger to contain me.
And then I spend an afternoon in love. The fight in me deflates, pleasantly, until there is enough room inside me for something more than striving. Too much room, perhaps. I often feel dumb and airy in the presence of too much affection. Nevertheless, I feel somehow home. There is simply inertia-- lovely inertia-- so sweet that it is likely dangerous to dwell in. I think that God might have invented being in love to take people out of their plans and outlines and into the bursting present. For there is nowhere else to go-- why leave joy?
Of course, one cannot support this kind of thing. The feelings fade and life cuts in. And then you want somewhere to go. But what I wonder is if the place we are all trying to go is just that lovely inertia, where we don't want to go anymore. I have a feeling that this is not a proper way to look at life, and that striving is a rewarding and essential part of the human experience. But perhaps many people do not feel the same way. Perhaps most people spend their days and their sweat in hopes of a day that they will not sweat, or want anything more than what they have. Perhaps all people want is to be in love forever.
How happy am I to belong to a faith based upon an eternal romance! However, it is not a faith based upon inertia. It moves forward forever. But I believe there is a place for moments of happy paralysis. It is there that we understand the incommunicable. Maybe life is supposed to be moments of paralysis-- happy, sad, angry, confused-- followed by action and choice. There is rest and motion.
Medieval people thought that God was unmoving at the center of the universe. The most real and complete thing in the world didn't need to be moving toward anything. But I believe that God moves toward us to bring us to rest. There is a place for both.
I laughed when I read what you wrote about love bringing people into the present, simply because I feel the same way. Interesting ideas here, I'll have to think about them.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I really enjoy your blog!